I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
