he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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