He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
