Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
