There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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