i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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