Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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