I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
