My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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