you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
