I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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