How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
