I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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