If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i barfeds in our rink
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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