Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
