i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
