Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
