He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
