I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
