I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
