don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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