You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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