and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You made out with two different species that night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
