sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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