My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize