I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize