if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
