who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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