I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
