I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
