Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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