Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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