You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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