Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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