My nipple is on Facebook.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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