the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
