So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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