i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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