My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
