a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
