I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
