Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
