I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
