I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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