finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize