never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
