called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
