eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
