weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I need to stop coming to work sober
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
