i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
