that's an acceptable place to lick
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
