I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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