Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
