so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
