Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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