Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize