I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
