It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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