I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
