he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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