I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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