Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
