I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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