I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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