it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
