We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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